Sep 13, 2008

if I drank coffee, I’d take it black

Or, I can't know until you tell me.

Wouldn't the world of emotions be an easier place to navigate if everyone did? Take it black, that is. If only people could sit down with one another and just tell them straight out when there is a problem, or a perceived problem, it would save us all a lot of grief in the end.

I am very much of the notion that "I can't fix it if I don't know it's broken." So just tell me. I won't get mad, or hurt, or run off and cry. I'll tell you my side. Perhaps I didn't know this particular thing was broken or it bothered you so much. If there are misconceptions, this is the time to clear it up. This works both ways. If something is bothering me, I expect you to tell you without you blowing up in my face and going on 18 different tangents about things that have nothing to do with this one little issue.

Instead of getting mad at a me, holding it inside, building resentment until the issue becomes something so much more than it was ever meant to be, and colors your entire world with anger and despair, just tell me.

It's very simple.

John: "Mary, I can't enjoy the movie if you continue talking throughout the whole thing." Shut up you crazy bitch, don't you know I want to just watch a movie, not chat about it, this drives me crazy, why won't you shut up your incessant yakking."
Mary: "Oh, okay John. I didn't know it bothered you so much." Idiot. Freakin' idiot. I guess I thought he wanted to spend time with me, now I know he just wants to watch a movie. Now I know.

See. Simple. John told Mary what was bothering him, now she knows. Now he doesn't have to sit through a movie with her murmuring sweet nothings into his ear. Don't expect someone to read your mind, they can't, and chances are they won't know what is bothering you until you tell them. This gives them the chance to tell you why they do something and your perceptions may be wrong.

Mary: "John, I love it when you cook dinner on the grill, but why do the steaks come out all tough and rubbery, and the potatoes are crispy instead of soft and mushy."

John: "Oh, I thought you liked it that way, so that's how I cooked it. I would much rather the steak rare and tender, and the potatoes soft to where they smash up like fluffy clouds too, so now I won't cook everything as long."

See. Simple. John was doing something because he thought Mary liked it that way, but Mary hated it. Once she told John that she didn't like it, he could explain, and now they both can have a more enjoyable dinner.

I'm not going to break if you tell me something you don't like or that is bothering you. It comes right back to if I don't know I can't fix it.

Of course, there are always exceptions, and most people want life sugar coated.


Anonymous said...

BUT!!!! Then you get the goof-balls who incessantly ask you the multiple choice questions when your original answer (that was totally honest) of "I don't care." Why can't folks accept "I don't care" for an answer????? I'm really laid back..."I don't care" is the most honest and truthful answer I can give....
Rubbery steaks, when cooked by someone else, is totally acceptable to me. I will chew and chew and chew and LOVE every savory, fat-filled swallow of flavor. AND there is something to be said about sweet, crunchy fatty potatoes. Don't get me wrong...I love a really medium rare soft, melt-in-your-mouth steak, but I can totally live with the extreme either way...just don't make me cook!
If I was gonna take up this rant, it would be to say...just SAY it and just ACCEPT the response! That way, both sides are covered. BOTH parties must say and ACCEPT the response!
Love ya forever....J

Princeton McKinney said...

You hit the nail on the head. Say it and accept it. If rubbery steaks don't bother you in the least, say nuttin'!

For those of the "Ooooo, I don't want to say anything because it might hurt their feelings" persuasion, realize there is a difference between saying something to intentionally hurt feelings and saying something cause they need to know.

My crystal ball is broken today. Kum Ba Ya everybody. Peace out.

Anonymous said...

Lord, help sound just like my Buddha huggin' son!
I DID buy my hubby, the financial advisor, a blue crystal ball set in a dragon holder for those times his clients want him to see into the future! If someone would just give me a REAL crystal ball, I think I just MIGHT be able to see into the future.
Oh, well, wish in one hand......J