"oh Bill, won't you please come in"

Yes, of course I watched again, even after my opinions of Episode 1. I just shut my eyes during the opening credits and let Jace Everett's honey-coated voice pour over me. "Bad Things" is one of the Best Things about True Blood. Episode 2 was much better. It moved along somewhat more slowly, and even put a big hint out there for those of you who haven't read the books. The Tara character was a little more appealing in this episode, or either I have resigned myself that she is going to say dumb things in that really bad accent, and I almost have to look away when she goo-goos over Jason. Speaking of Jason, good Lord Lucy, I'm just not getting all hot and bothered about him like so many are. I like ripped torsos, but a lick o' sense wouldn't hurt anything either. Which, all in all, is not bad, because there has to be some unlikeable characters, and me not liking Jason means someone is doing their job. I think.

Spoiler alert (possibly) just in case you haven't read the books: Meanwhile, I'm liking Bill all over again, with his soft spoken, slow moving ways (other than when he is vampire-ishly fast moving), and the way he says "Sookie". And I'm going along with it, knowing full well what eventually happens. Although it was explained that drinking vampire blood makes mortals heal, have sharper senses, an enhanced libido and links them to the vampire, it wasn't said that it makes you feel and appear more beautiful. Was this reflected by the clothing Sookie wore after she had Bill's blood, the short dress over a either a bikini top or a green/white dotted bra, and the short white sundress she was wearing later? Sookie always dressed nicely, stylishly, but I don't remember such short revealing dresses. Am I wrong about that? Or was this a way to reflect that she found herself attractive and wanted to put it out there for everyone?

Now, as far as that scene where Lafayette took Tara to the party, what was that all about? Nothing, I tell you, nothing. I realize that Sookie can't be in every single scene as she is in the book, because she would have to work way to long to get it filmed, etc., and some stuff is probably better shown to us rather than explained in a conversation with Sookie, but good grief, what did this party scene accomplish? Nothing. Oh, I did learn that Lafayette was Tara's cousin, something that wasn't in the book. Or the fact that Tara is Black,. Not that the book ever said that Tara was a Caucasian, but it didn't say she wasn't, and it did say that Lafayette was Black, and it never said that Tara was his cousin. It doesn't matter to me that Tara is Black, it matters more that she wasn't even involved in this situation in the book "Dead Until Dark." I'm adjusting though. I watched Episode 2 twice and my panties aren't even wrinkled, much less in a knot.

Alan Ball, I Wanna Do Bad Things…

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I’ll Eat 20% of My Words

At several of my gal pals urgings, I recently agreed to read some Harlequin Romances. They all know I would rather be reading massive doorstoppers by Stephen King or when-is-the-next-sequel-of-Outlander-going-to-be-released Diana Gabaldon. I love big fat thousand page books that are not primarily focused on the here and now. I do like romances, sometimes. I do not have to have the HEA (Happily Ever After) that is absolute for a true romance. Sometimes I like the surprise of an unexpected or imperfect ending. Which is probably why much of what I read takes place in a universe created by the author.

I put my Harlequin snobbery aside and started reading. Here are my reviews on the five Harlequin Romances I read. I will preface by saying I am a picky and sometimes harsh critter. You may not believe it, but I can rip a novel to shreds, and still have respect for the author. After all, they wrote a book that was published, and without searching for the sales figures, Romance tops all and Harlequin has a grand chunk of that, and these books sell fast and furiously.

Also, there may be spoilers, because sometimes I just have to say what specifically made me feel good or bad, or insane.

Armed and Devastating

Julie Miller
Harlequin Intrigue, The Precinct, Brotherhood of the Badge

Jul 2008

I picked this book because of the guy on the cover (plus, I was trying to get one from several of the categories). I generally like men in jeans, but if they must wear a suit for work, then it helps to have a gun and badge on the belt, if you know what I mean. I liked these characters, Brooke and Atticus, and I'm truly happy that they found HEA. I cared about them at some point. The book began in April, the first two chapters taking place at the funeral of Atticus's father, and then skipped ahead to Summer. The first couple of chapters were more like back story, the next 40 or so pages were a dumping ground for information that would have been more interesting if presented to us by the characters, or at least with interaction with the characters. Once past that, it did get moving, however the intrigue part of the plot was convoluted and farfetched. I won't even go into the fact that Brooke is a 29 year old virgin (until near the end of the book). I realize that is possible, but what made me want to slap her silly sometimes was how much she berated herself. She constantly reminded the reader how unattractive she was, how clumsy and awkward she was and the fact that she had no guts to stand up for herself. Enough! Any 29 year old woman who is a highly regarded assistant to a high ranking police detective in charge of other detectives, should be able to look in the mirror and know that if she unpins the bun and stops wearing non-flattering clothing and dresses age appropriate, she is pretty, glasses or not. I'm not saying she should wear slutty clothes to be attractive, but surely she could take herself to the store and try on something and see the difference. Clumsiness…meh, who cares. If Atticus can't love her because she's clumsy, she doesn't need him.

I'll give Armed and Devastating a 3/5. That's what I estimate is left after taking away the intrigue, and I did like the way that Brooke took a step out of her comfort zone and went after Atticus when she realized she wanted him. Also, I was kind of charmed by the name Atticus.
Caretti's Forced Bride

by Jennie Lucas

Harlequin Presents – Wedlocked!

Aug 2008

Not buying this one at all. Well, I did actually buy it, as in I spent $$ for it, so the joke's on me. First of all, I had to keep going back to page 18, and re-reading this paragraph:

She exhaled. "I love San Piedro. You know I do. We're rich in culture and tradition. But we're just three square miles. Magnus owns more land in Austria alone. The von Trondhem bloodline dates back to Charlemagne."

Three square miles. For a country. Are you serious? Folks, as nerdy as I am, math is sometimes a challenge to me, but even I know that three square miles of land is a strip equal in area to one mile wide by three miles long. This country supported a King, Queen, Prince and Princess who all live in a palace, with the servants and the whole royal thing going on? Where did the people who comprised the Kingdom live and work in order to support their royalty? This bothered me throughout the book. In addition, I didn't really like Princess Isabelle, who was pregnant when she walked out on dark, devilish Paolo Caretti 10 years ago because her parents said he wasn't good enough for her, and is now engaged to Magnus, who is Paolo's brother, but Isabelle doesn't know it. And I didn't like Paolo, who felt the need to punish Isabelle for walking out on him. Apparently he isn't very good at math either, because he couldn't figure out that Isabella's kidnapped nephew was his son, who is now King. My favorite part of this book was when Isabelle was cooking for Paolo, and she can't cook worth a crap, but there he is, eating her cooking, trying not to choke. I can relate to that, and kind of liked them for a minute or two.

Caretti's Forced Bride; 1/5. (Cringe, I know, and I do feel badly. After all, I invested time and money in these printed words and wanted to like it.)

Seducing a S.E.A.L.

by Jamie Sobrato

Harlequin Blaze – Forbidden Fantasies

Sep 2008

Ahem. Look at that cover, would ya! Again, I really wanted to like these characters, Kylie and Drew. He is not yet a S.E.A.L. when the seducing takes place, however he is a Naval Ensign and Kylie is a straight laced up tight Lieutenant Commander, eight years older than him. Kylie being older does not bother me in the least. What does, is the fact that she has the hots for Drew and she is his superior not only in rank, but his boss, which we're told over and over is a no-no in the Navy. Kylie goes on and on about the Navy and her career and why she shouldn't have sex with Drew, then does it anyway. Drew, on the other hand, doesn't appear to care a flying fig about the Navy's rules and regs on fraternization, although he wants nothing more than to become a S.E.A.L. Kylie is determined not to get further involved with Drew, even though she is feelin' the looooove. No no no, she says. Then says yes to a two-week leave in Hawaii with him. Honolulu. Waikiki Beach. Do Kylie and Drew know that Hawaii actually has a naval base, a moderately famous one at that? Good grief, I'm not even in the military and I know that Navy people go to Hawaii all the time. Do they think they won't get caught? (They do, the result of which is a cop out.)

Okay, let's back up a minute, to the first Drew/Kylie encounter. Kylie has been fantasizing about Drew, but again, says repeatedly how she will not fulfill that fantasy. (Of course there are plot points and reasons why they are in the situations they are in, but I'm not going into those as they are just the catalyst to get from A to B, and these characters are going to behave as they do anyway.) They get drunk at a bar, end up taking a cab to Drew's house, where they start going at it in the back of the taxi, and then get no further than the front lawn before ripping off the clothing and end up right there on the grass, in public. Yep. Was it just too far to make it to the front door at least?

On to Hawaii. Kylie has abandoned her no-no attitude and having a good time, but not planning on staying with Drew after they return to San Diego even though he loves her so much. Kylie is falling in love with Drew also, but is still whining about the Navy and her career. I hate the whining. If you want to go against the rules and frat with your sub, then do it and be done. If you feel the need to do it and then whine about it, that is almost a TSTL moment.

Kylie finally does the right thing, after sneaking out in the middle of the night (Little Miss Naval Officer who can't even tell Drew she's leaving Hawaii) and tells her direct supervisor about their romantic entanglement, which the supervisor overlooks, a little too casually. Then, right there, out of the blue, not three seconds of thinking about it, Kylie up and quits the Navy. Well, we knew one of them would have to do it, right. Flash forward, six weeks later, Drew passes the S.E.A.L. test , is promoted, Kylie tells him she took an early retirement, and all is HEA.

Forgetting the characters for a moment, there were several places in the writing itself, both of which happened to be sex scenes (or maybe I was paying closer attention then!) but the description of what was happening just couldn't be possible. And yes, I read it several times to make sure, but it just couldn't happen that way. I will not quote it here or go into details, but pages 123-124, and then on page 161. {Break} Okay, I'll take back the page 161, maybe I'm just picturing it wrong in my head, so forget I mentioned it. All in all, it is probably not important, but these types of things bring me out of the story quicker than you can say glow stick.

I hated this story. I'll give Seducing a S.E.A.L., hold on, get ready for it, a 4/5. Why, you ask, when I just said I hated it? Because it made me feel something, and to me, a strong reaction, even hate, is much better than a feel nothing blah.

The Hell-Raiser

by Rhonda Nelson
Harlequin Blaze – Men Out of Uniform
Aug 2008

Who can resist a title like "The Hell-Raiser"? I'm glad I took this challenge during a month when this book was still on the shelves, or I might have missed it. I liked the cover, too. I enjoyed "The Hell-Raiser". No kidding. No snarkiness, honestly. I liked it. The characters, Sara Jane and Mick were believable, their careers fun and not beyond believable (neither one of them were anywhere near royalty nor rich beyond belief, and I liked that). This couple had issues, but they knew they had issues and didn't whine about them constantly. Mick thought he was damaged goods, and Sara Jane had family issues to resolve. Truthfully, I could have done without the brownies with the laxatives in them, and the resulting description, but it was handled somewhat tastefully even though it said bathroom humor to me, and I just don't care for bathroom humor. The talk of the gay ghost in the B&B could have been left out as well.

But after their hot attraction, their conflict, Mick taking on the role of hero and solving Sara Jane's problem, and their separation, Mick does come to his senses, and being a hero type, presents Sara Jane with her lifelong dream, and of course a proposal of marriage. Ahhhh….true love. Yes, I even sighed at the end of this one.

"The Hell-Raiser" gets a 5/5 on my Harlequin scale and I'll eat my words on this one. Hear that…I'm munching!

Billionaire's Favorite Fantasy

by Jan Colley
Silhouette Desire

Jul 2008

What was I thinking? I will have to come back to this one, maybe. I just can't talk about it now. This is one of those titles that leave me cold, even though she is wearing a polar bear.


My next challenge--I'm going to jump right in the driver's seat and take on a NASCAR Romance. Let's see if one of those gets me over the speed bumps.

The Time Traveler’s Wife

The Time Traveler's Wife
by Audrey Niffenegger
Paperback: 560 pages
Publisher: Harvest Books (May 27, 2004)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 015602943X
ISBN-13: 978-0156029438

I have been meaning to read this book for the longest time, and finally got around to it. I picked it up yesterday, and finished it today.

There are so many things technically wrong with this book, that after the first several pages I had to take a breath and begin reading again as a reader, not a writer. This is only fair, as I believe Niffenegger wrote it for readers.

She did a remarkable job of weaving a tale by using a quantity of run on sentences, repeating certain phrases throughout, using the same word—sometimes thrice in one sentence—and during one section she got confused on who was the "I" was. That said, I am glad that Niffenegger wrote her book her way, and didn't conform to the rules of purists writers who would probably have confiscated her keyboard had they been looking over her shoulder. Goes to show you, that authors, even first timers, who write their book their way, can be published, if the book is good enough.

I have long wanted to read a book with two different first person points of views. Niffenegger handled this very well. I liked that each section had the date and the ages of Henry and Clare at the start of the section, although the name of the speaker at the beginning of the first paragraph in each section, printed in all caps, was rather distracting. I honestly do not know if I could have followed along without it, but I did feel this was rather akin to dumbing it down for readers. I like to think I could have figured out who was speaking, especially after cracking the code of how the names were arranged in each date line above the sections. Once I got my head wrapped around how the time travel in the Henry-Clare Universe worked, it was easy to follow along with the time leaps.

The plot. What plot? There is no plot. It simply is. There was conflict, but in my mind it was never resolved, it just was.

I love stories about time travel, and while reading The Time Traveler's Wife I simply read, just let the words flow into my brain about the time and being past, present and future, without trying to figure out the hows of it all, I just enjoyed a complicated story line told simply and straightforward.

I will not give you a chapter-by-chapter review of the story; there are dozens on line, just search. I'm a bit disappointed that Ms. Niffenegger's website appears not to have been updated since 2004, I would have liked to read a little of what she would post on her website, whatever that might be.

The story was good, although the characters did not particularly endear themselves to me, and I do not mean that negatively. Everything is not always peaches and cream and happily ever after, so I definitely liked that. (If I read every book for an HEA, I would probably have scratch my eyes out.)

If this sounds like a bad review, it is not. I enjoyed this book, and I would recommend it. Have the foresight to take it as it is and enjoy the story, revel in its radical presentation, and appreciate the fact that Niffenegger kept all those dates and ages consistent (I would like to see the spreadsheet for that!) Suspend your disbelief; mileage may vary.

If I rated by stars or "out ofs," I would probably give it an eight on a one to ten, but I do not. Everything here is strictly my own opinion and I represent no one but myself.

Added: I read that this book was made into a movie with a release date of Dec. 25, 2008.