God Bless the USA and Happy Columbus Day

Why? No reason. Oh yes, we'll call it "Happy Columbus Day". Why not? I was going to save this for July 4th, but heck, that's a long time from now, so we'll just have a replay when Independence Day rolls around.

Feel free to listen to "God Bless the U.S.A." (see left column) while you gaze. I'll wait. And if you are in the USA and wishing you weren't, then go away already.

Why am I not complaining about this image not sporting a head and shoulders? Because it is cropped attractively. Yes, I know I complain whenever a book cover chops off the model's head. You don't cut someone off at the eyes, nose, mouth or neck. Look at the image one more time--this is attractive cropping. Also, don't cut people off at the ankles. Not pretty.


Oh yes, back to Columbus Day. Some time in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue. That is what I remember of my history lessons, folks. And if it did not rhyme I would probably have forgotten that. I know more about Catherine of Aragon (daughter of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella, who financed Columbus' expedition, and first wife of King Henry VIII) than I know about Columbus, thanks to Philippa Gregory's novels.

Gregory does a wonderful job of maintaining the historical facts while adding a bit of fiction, filling in those bits that we just have no way of knowing what exactly happened or what was said and making a wonderful story. I have always liked reading about that period in history even though I do not really care so much for monarchies. (And I managed to work books into this multi-natured post, also.)

Speaking of monarchies, we do have a major election coming up in a few weeks, so be sure to vote. I will not tell you who to vote for (well, really, if you want to vote like me you can always leave me your email and I'll tell you who I think you should vote for). I am one of those definitely on the train of 'if you don't vote, don't be complaining'. I am even on the train, or maybe this is just a bus, of 'vote for the lesser of two evils' if that is how you look at it.

I will admit right here and now, there was once a Presidential election where I did not vote, and I felt guilty for four years. Four. Long. Years. I should have put my foot down and told my boss I couldn't go on that business trip that week, that they were crazy for scheduling it during an election. (It was too late to vote absentee by the time the trip was planned.)

Here's a stamp from 1892 in commemoration of Columbus, which at the time, commemorated the 400th anniversary of the discovery of the New World.

I took an expediton to the house of porn today

No, really. True Story. I've been planning this expedition for almost a week. As some of you know, I am perfectly happy being a hermit, and I don't get out much. I like to stay home. Don't judge me. However, last Friday, my "I" quit working on my laptop keyboard. I poked at it a little while, shook the laptop like an Etch-a-Sketch a few times, and it still wouldn't work. Since it was Friday, and when I do go anywhere, it certainly isn't on a Friday, or Saturday or Sunday, and Monday's are out of the question, so that left Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday of this week. So I planned for today to take the laptop to the Geeks. I couldn't sleep much last night knowing I had set myself up to accomplish something by actually leaving the house. Don't judge me.

Meanwhile, the "I" not working was driving me nuts, and to make a long story short (ha, jokes on you, have you ever know me to be brief?), I finally just popped the cover of the "I" off the keyboard, and poked around in there a little, examining the guts of the "I" along with the underside of the keypad. Oh…so that's how it works. I carefully pressed the cover of the "I" back on, listening for the little click sound when I pressed the corners of the key cover back over the guts of the key. Guess what!! It worked. I'm a Geek. That will be $50.00, thank you very much.

Alas, when I then tried to type a sentence, the "M" wouldn't work. Repeat the "I" procedure with the "M" key. I then checked every key on the keyboard. All okay. About ten minutes later, the "J" quit working. Wha…….. Repeat process. Got the "J" working, then it was the "K". OK, why does my keyboard hate me. I have always treated it with TLC (or TC as the case may be.) Got the "K" working, then it was the comma. So I have lived without a comma since last week, deciding this process of me fixing each key was going to cycle through the entire QWERTY system. This all led to me planning an out of the house expedition for today.

I get up, actually get dressed (never leaving the house saves a lot of getting dressed time), brushed at the hair, packed the laptop in its nice little padded tote, load the purse and the laptop into the Cap'n's Expedition. See, Cap'n is not home this week, so I decided to take a joyride in that big boat. Shhh, don't tell. I was doing this the ask forgiveness rather than permission way. Really, I hate to drive the Expedition. The thing is as big as a ship and has so much stuff on it. Things beep and chime and twirl and I don't even know what a lot of that stuff does. I was very careful not to adjust anything; I pressed the #2 button for the seat adjustments so I wouldn't deprogram his special selection of seat comfort (and his hiney is special, if y'know what I mean). (And not in the same way his knees are special.) I never could get comfortably situated myself, but I never am when driving it.

Why didn't I drive my own car, you ask? Well, I have a nine year old little Chevy Tracker that I just love. It's tiny, I can reach everything inside from the driver's seat, and it fits easily in any parking place (and you can just carry it in your tote bag if you can't find a parking place). Never mind that the driver's side window won't go back up after you lower it. You have to press the "up" button while pushing the glass up and into the groove at the same time. And the passenger door will not automatically lock or unlock. Yeah, I have to get those things mended, but I still love the Tracker. However, apparently I had lost the new '09 registration sticker. Sure enough, if I even thought about driving it the approximate five miles to the tax collector's office to get a replacement sticker, I would have gotten stopped and ticketed before I ever got out of my subdivision. So that's why I drove the big "E".

No sooner than I turned the key in the ignition and cranked up the Expedition, my cell rang. Yep, it was Cap'n. Was I busted? Not yet. I turned the engine off and jumped out of the Expedition, because somehow I just knew that he would know I was sitting in it with the engine running. He had called to ask me to fetch a couple of forms, scan them and email them to him. So that meant taking the laptop back inside, doing the scanning, sending by email, all while feeling like I was in trouble. After I got the email sent, just for the heck of it, I opened up Word and typed a comma. Yippee! Comma was back and working. I typed an entire page of commas. I typed an entire page of all letters and numbers, just to make sure everything worked. It's a miracle!

Since I was ready to go on my expedition in the Expedition, I went ahead and got the replacement tag for my car, and since I had a coupon for Best Buy, headed on over there and used it to buy "Eureka" Season 2. Just walking along the aisles at Best Buy, I was getting a little shaky and my heart was beating a little faster, and my face felt kind of flushed. Yes, it could be hot flashes, get out of my way, but I'm sure it was just, that last copy is mine grandma, the excitement of being out on the town, will this checkout line ever move, anticipating the next stop on my excursion—the House of Porn.

Yes, the House of Porn—another way of saying the Library. The Library branch that I use is right across the street from Best Buy. It is on the Community College's campus, so the speed limit is 10 mph. It seemed like it took me forever to get across the street and meander through the several parking areas and another little street before pulling into the parking lot of the library. I parked in the space farthest from the door (Expedition, you know. Never can be too careful). I fondled my special tag keychain, making sure the colorful library card tag was still attached, and started on the hike to the entrance. I was already worn out from my visit to the tax office and Best Buy, and it was a pretty day outside, so I took my time, walking slowly, anticipating. A mother pushing a stroller with a babe in it, one on her hip, and another hanging on to her skirt beat me to the door, along with an ancient man with a cane. But that's okay, there's plenty of porn, er….books, for all.

Yes, this was an exciting day. You see, I haven't been to the library in a long time. Before I retired, I never had time. My boss was mean, I hated her. Then when I did retire (fired by mean boss), I have been reading my shelves of books I've been collecting over the years, always intending to read, but never getting around to it. Do you know how hard it has been for me not to check out what is in my cart at Amazon.com? Not because I love shopping so much, but because I love books. And being at the library today, walking slowly along the stacks, running my fingers lightly over the spines, mesmerized by the many sizes, color combinations, the stylish fonts and art...oooh, it gives me shivers just thinking about it. I think the librarian returning books to the stacks was eying me suspiciously a few times, probably alarmed when my eyes started glazing over, and then again when I sat down in the aisle in order to access those titles that end up way down on the bottom shelf (those are some of the best ones, you know, the ones you must search for).

Finally, I had my armload of books, and watched, fascinated as the librarians tag-teamed their way through them, flipping them open, stacking, stickering and scanning my selections, all without judging me. (You see, I was sure they were secretly looking at my checkout history and realizing that I hadn't been to the library in a long, long time.) I had selected a few thrillers, a mystery, two action-romance paperbacks (men with guns, now you can't get much hotter than that), a Philippa Gregory title, and some titles with those two very pretentious words somewhere on the cover--"a novel". Well, duh. I did check it out of the fiction, and it was a book, what was it going to be? Don't even get me started on that.

I gather that if you made it this far into my leaving the house adventure, you now know what my trigger is. Books = porn for me. Its been this way ever since I was little and the Bookmobile rolled into our little town of 98 residents during the summer time, and I climbed those shaky, drop down steps into the air-conditioned library on wheels. I was amazed I could walk out with an armload of books. And all for free. Nothing can beat that.

So today, in memory of summers of bookmobiles and vacations, I am sitting here in my comfy chair, just popped the top off of a pina colada, and am going to grab a book and start enjoying, for free, the black words on white paper, and make me some new friends.

Bookshelves at the Library image copyright Ken Zirkel at iStockPhoto.

all I wanna do is have some fun…and find a book to read

I decided to read a Romance, so I bought this book. "Highland Fire" by Hannah Howell.

I must interrupt this commentary at this point for two observations:

1. If you decide to read "Highland Fire", you can choose between Hannah Howell's "Highland Fire", or:
   
   1. "Highland Fire" by Elizabeth Thornton
      
   2. "Highland Fire" by Veronica Stattler
      
   3. "Highland Fire" by Joyce Carlow
      
   4. "Highland Fire" by Ruth Langan
      
   5. "Highland Fire" by Abigail Clements
      
2. Hannah Howell, if you or anybody who cares happens to be reading this, for the love of all that is 21^st Century, please update your web site. I don't want to say it is ugly. But it is ugly. (I said I didn't want to say it, not that I wouldn't.) I'll even do it for you—I've been known to throw up some pretty good HTML code now and again.
   

Back to original programming. Wow, huh. Six Romances out there with the same title. I didn't know this when I bought the book. My strict criteria included the fact that I generally like all things Scottish. And hot. So "Highland Fire" seemed to fit. It was there in front of me on the shelf. And, probably more important than anything, it had the entire face of the man on the cover. It wasn't a head chopped off at the eyes or nose or neck, it was an entire face. Glory Hallelujah, I practically shouted right there in the aisle of BAM.

I've had the book about three or four months now, I think. I've picked it up and started reading it about three or four times. I just can't seem to get into it. I think it is the usage of dialect. What is it that puts me off about so much dialect? I get it, they're Scottish. But I'm not, and I'm having a hard time getting in the flow of things when I have to stop and phonetically sound out words that do not flow naturally in my brain. Guess I'm a bit dense in that respect. Go ahead, read the first 10 pages on Amazon, and tell me what an idiot I am. I don't care.

That said, Hannah Howell has had about 35 books published, so there must be something about her that Romance readers like. I didn't know this when I bought the book, but once I found out, I really wanted to read this book. Thinking I might cut my Hannah Howell teeth on another not so dialect-able book, I bought "Wild Roses", "set against the backdrop of frontier-day Wyoming". Maybe this is more my style since I'm more of a country hick than 15^th century Scottish lass. Oh, and of course the other important criteria—the cover. We all know how I like the bare-chested hunky cowboy in jeans, and, say it with me gals…"Hallelujah!", he has a head! Granted, the cover does exhibit some sloppy Photoshop work, but I'll take it since the all-powerful art director left his head on.

If I can't get through this book, so help me I'm going to give up reading. No, not really, that would never happen. But I may go back to vampires and werewolves where I know things aren't as they should be because they're supposed to be that way!

I’ll Eat 20% of My Words

At several of my gal pals urgings, I recently agreed to read some Harlequin Romances. They all know I would rather be reading massive doorstoppers by Stephen King or when-is-the-next-sequel-of-Outlander-going-to-be-released Diana Gabaldon. I love big fat thousand page books that are not primarily focused on the here and now. I do like romances, sometimes. I do not have to have the HEA (Happily Ever After) that is absolute for a true romance. Sometimes I like the surprise of an unexpected or imperfect ending. Which is probably why much of what I read takes place in a universe created by the author.

I put my Harlequin snobbery aside and started reading. Here are my reviews on the five Harlequin Romances I read. I will preface by saying I am a picky and sometimes harsh critter. You may not believe it, but I can rip a novel to shreds, and still have respect for the author. After all, they wrote a book that was published, and without searching for the sales figures, Romance tops all and Harlequin has a grand chunk of that, and these books sell fast and furiously.

Also, there may be spoilers, because sometimes I just have to say what specifically made me feel good or bad, or insane.

Armed and Devastating

Julie Miller
Harlequin Intrigue, The Precinct, Brotherhood of the Badge

Jul 2008

I picked this book because of the guy on the cover (plus, I was trying to get one from several of the categories). I generally like men in jeans, but if they must wear a suit for work, then it helps to have a gun and badge on the belt, if you know what I mean. I liked these characters, Brooke and Atticus, and I'm truly happy that they found HEA. I cared about them at some point. The book began in April, the first two chapters taking place at the funeral of Atticus's father, and then skipped ahead to Summer. The first couple of chapters were more like back story, the next 40 or so pages were a dumping ground for information that would have been more interesting if presented to us by the characters, or at least with interaction with the characters. Once past that, it did get moving, however the intrigue part of the plot was convoluted and farfetched. I won't even go into the fact that Brooke is a 29 year old virgin (until near the end of the book). I realize that is possible, but what made me want to slap her silly sometimes was how much she berated herself. She constantly reminded the reader how unattractive she was, how clumsy and awkward she was and the fact that she had no guts to stand up for herself. Enough! Any 29 year old woman who is a highly regarded assistant to a high ranking police detective in charge of other detectives, should be able to look in the mirror and know that if she unpins the bun and stops wearing non-flattering clothing and dresses age appropriate, she is pretty, glasses or not. I'm not saying she should wear slutty clothes to be attractive, but surely she could take herself to the store and try on something and see the difference. Clumsiness…meh, who cares. If Atticus can't love her because she's clumsy, she doesn't need him.

I'll give Armed and Devastating a 3/5. That's what I estimate is left after taking away the intrigue, and I did like the way that Brooke took a step out of her comfort zone and went after Atticus when she realized she wanted him. Also, I was kind of charmed by the name Atticus.
Caretti's Forced Bride

by Jennie Lucas

Harlequin Presents – Wedlocked!

Aug 2008

Not buying this one at all. Well, I did actually buy it, as in I spent $$ for it, so the joke's on me. First of all, I had to keep going back to page 18, and re-reading this paragraph:

She exhaled. "I love San Piedro. You know I do. We're rich in culture and tradition. But we're just three square miles. Magnus owns more land in Austria alone. The von Trondhem bloodline dates back to Charlemagne."

Three square miles. For a country. Are you serious? Folks, as nerdy as I am, math is sometimes a challenge to me, but even I know that three square miles of land is a strip equal in area to one mile wide by three miles long. This country supported a King, Queen, Prince and Princess who all live in a palace, with the servants and the whole royal thing going on? Where did the people who comprised the Kingdom live and work in order to support their royalty? This bothered me throughout the book. In addition, I didn't really like Princess Isabelle, who was pregnant when she walked out on dark, devilish Paolo Caretti 10 years ago because her parents said he wasn't good enough for her, and is now engaged to Magnus, who is Paolo's brother, but Isabelle doesn't know it. And I didn't like Paolo, who felt the need to punish Isabelle for walking out on him. Apparently he isn't very good at math either, because he couldn't figure out that Isabella's kidnapped nephew was his son, who is now King. My favorite part of this book was when Isabelle was cooking for Paolo, and she can't cook worth a crap, but there he is, eating her cooking, trying not to choke. I can relate to that, and kind of liked them for a minute or two.

Caretti's Forced Bride; 1/5. (Cringe, I know, and I do feel badly. After all, I invested time and money in these printed words and wanted to like it.)

Seducing a S.E.A.L.

by Jamie Sobrato

Harlequin Blaze – Forbidden Fantasies

Sep 2008

Ahem. Look at that cover, would ya! Again, I really wanted to like these characters, Kylie and Drew. He is not yet a S.E.A.L. when the seducing takes place, however he is a Naval Ensign and Kylie is a straight laced up tight Lieutenant Commander, eight years older than him. Kylie being older does not bother me in the least. What does, is the fact that she has the hots for Drew and she is his superior not only in rank, but his boss, which we're told over and over is a no-no in the Navy. Kylie goes on and on about the Navy and her career and why she shouldn't have sex with Drew, then does it anyway. Drew, on the other hand, doesn't appear to care a flying fig about the Navy's rules and regs on fraternization, although he wants nothing more than to become a S.E.A.L. Kylie is determined not to get further involved with Drew, even though she is feelin' the looooove. No no no, she says. Then says yes to a two-week leave in Hawaii with him. Honolulu. Waikiki Beach. Do Kylie and Drew know that Hawaii actually has a naval base, a moderately famous one at that? Good grief, I'm not even in the military and I know that Navy people go to Hawaii all the time. Do they think they won't get caught? (They do, the result of which is a cop out.)

Okay, let's back up a minute, to the first Drew/Kylie encounter. Kylie has been fantasizing about Drew, but again, says repeatedly how she will not fulfill that fantasy. (Of course there are plot points and reasons why they are in the situations they are in, but I'm not going into those as they are just the catalyst to get from A to B, and these characters are going to behave as they do anyway.) They get drunk at a bar, end up taking a cab to Drew's house, where they start going at it in the back of the taxi, and then get no further than the front lawn before ripping off the clothing and end up right there on the grass, in public. Yep. Was it just too far to make it to the front door at least?

On to Hawaii. Kylie has abandoned her no-no attitude and having a good time, but not planning on staying with Drew after they return to San Diego even though he loves her so much. Kylie is falling in love with Drew also, but is still whining about the Navy and her career. I hate the whining. If you want to go against the rules and frat with your sub, then do it and be done. If you feel the need to do it and then whine about it, that is almost a TSTL moment.

Kylie finally does the right thing, after sneaking out in the middle of the night (Little Miss Naval Officer who can't even tell Drew she's leaving Hawaii) and tells her direct supervisor about their romantic entanglement, which the supervisor overlooks, a little too casually. Then, right there, out of the blue, not three seconds of thinking about it, Kylie up and quits the Navy. Well, we knew one of them would have to do it, right. Flash forward, six weeks later, Drew passes the S.E.A.L. test , is promoted, Kylie tells him she took an early retirement, and all is HEA.

Forgetting the characters for a moment, there were several places in the writing itself, both of which happened to be sex scenes (or maybe I was paying closer attention then!) but the description of what was happening just couldn't be possible. And yes, I read it several times to make sure, but it just couldn't happen that way. I will not quote it here or go into details, but pages 123-124, and then on page 161. {Break} Okay, I'll take back the page 161, maybe I'm just picturing it wrong in my head, so forget I mentioned it. All in all, it is probably not important, but these types of things bring me out of the story quicker than you can say glow stick.

I hated this story. I'll give Seducing a S.E.A.L., hold on, get ready for it, a 4/5. Why, you ask, when I just said I hated it? Because it made me feel something, and to me, a strong reaction, even hate, is much better than a feel nothing blah.

The Hell-Raiser

by Rhonda Nelson
Harlequin Blaze – Men Out of Uniform
Aug 2008

Who can resist a title like "The Hell-Raiser"? I'm glad I took this challenge during a month when this book was still on the shelves, or I might have missed it. I liked the cover, too. I enjoyed "The Hell-Raiser". No kidding. No snarkiness, honestly. I liked it. The characters, Sara Jane and Mick were believable, their careers fun and not beyond believable (neither one of them were anywhere near royalty nor rich beyond belief, and I liked that). This couple had issues, but they knew they had issues and didn't whine about them constantly. Mick thought he was damaged goods, and Sara Jane had family issues to resolve. Truthfully, I could have done without the brownies with the laxatives in them, and the resulting description, but it was handled somewhat tastefully even though it said bathroom humor to me, and I just don't care for bathroom humor. The talk of the gay ghost in the B&B could have been left out as well.

But after their hot attraction, their conflict, Mick taking on the role of hero and solving Sara Jane's problem, and their separation, Mick does come to his senses, and being a hero type, presents Sara Jane with her lifelong dream, and of course a proposal of marriage. Ahhhh….true love. Yes, I even sighed at the end of this one.

"The Hell-Raiser" gets a 5/5 on my Harlequin scale and I'll eat my words on this one. Hear that…I'm munching!

Billionaire's Favorite Fantasy

by Jan Colley
Silhouette Desire

Jul 2008

What was I thinking? I will have to come back to this one, maybe. I just can't talk about it now. This is one of those titles that leave me cold, even though she is wearing a polar bear.


My next challenge--I'm going to jump right in the driver's seat and take on a NASCAR Romance. Let's see if one of those gets me over the speed bumps.

Today's Linkerage for You

Read about the forgotten "Second Day of School" at Lindquist News.
Amazing book-cut sculptures by Su Blackwell.
I don't know what this says, but the art is pretty: Seminario Dos
Gotta love this, silky drawers included: I've Got Him Trained
Hell's Angels makes the fashion rules? Who knew! Nova Scotia Biker News
PS--if you don't hear from me soon, please feed my dog!
The men's guide to why women are suddenly Olympic swimming fans: The Alpha Complex
There's really no clever way to introduce The Nostalgia Fairy.
And finally....A Passion for Marble Rye. Oh My! Lisa Spaitz Splindler's updated bodice ripper cover.
Today's Linkerage is sponsored only by myself, with only my opinions if I have any, with things that boggle, amaze or even mildly interest my mind for a moment or two.

The Time Traveler’s Wife

The Time Traveler's Wife
by Audrey Niffenegger
Paperback: 560 pages
Publisher: Harvest Books (May 27, 2004)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 015602943X
ISBN-13: 978-0156029438

I have been meaning to read this book for the longest time, and finally got around to it. I picked it up yesterday, and finished it today.

There are so many things technically wrong with this book, that after the first several pages I had to take a breath and begin reading again as a reader, not a writer. This is only fair, as I believe Niffenegger wrote it for readers.

She did a remarkable job of weaving a tale by using a quantity of run on sentences, repeating certain phrases throughout, using the same word—sometimes thrice in one sentence—and during one section she got confused on who was the "I" was. That said, I am glad that Niffenegger wrote her book her way, and didn't conform to the rules of purists writers who would probably have confiscated her keyboard had they been looking over her shoulder. Goes to show you, that authors, even first timers, who write their book their way, can be published, if the book is good enough.

I have long wanted to read a book with two different first person points of views. Niffenegger handled this very well. I liked that each section had the date and the ages of Henry and Clare at the start of the section, although the name of the speaker at the beginning of the first paragraph in each section, printed in all caps, was rather distracting. I honestly do not know if I could have followed along without it, but I did feel this was rather akin to dumbing it down for readers. I like to think I could have figured out who was speaking, especially after cracking the code of how the names were arranged in each date line above the sections. Once I got my head wrapped around how the time travel in the Henry-Clare Universe worked, it was easy to follow along with the time leaps.

The plot. What plot? There is no plot. It simply is. There was conflict, but in my mind it was never resolved, it just was.

I love stories about time travel, and while reading The Time Traveler's Wife I simply read, just let the words flow into my brain about the time and being past, present and future, without trying to figure out the hows of it all, I just enjoyed a complicated story line told simply and straightforward.

I will not give you a chapter-by-chapter review of the story; there are dozens on line, just search. I'm a bit disappointed that Ms. Niffenegger's website appears not to have been updated since 2004, I would have liked to read a little of what she would post on her website, whatever that might be.

The story was good, although the characters did not particularly endear themselves to me, and I do not mean that negatively. Everything is not always peaches and cream and happily ever after, so I definitely liked that. (If I read every book for an HEA, I would probably have scratch my eyes out.)

If this sounds like a bad review, it is not. I enjoyed this book, and I would recommend it. Have the foresight to take it as it is and enjoy the story, revel in its radical presentation, and appreciate the fact that Niffenegger kept all those dates and ages consistent (I would like to see the spreadsheet for that!) Suspend your disbelief; mileage may vary.

If I rated by stars or "out ofs," I would probably give it an eight on a one to ten, but I do not. Everything here is strictly my own opinion and I represent no one but myself.

Added: I read that this book was made into a movie with a release date of Dec. 25, 2008.

At His Command by Brenda Coulter

Scrub Brush Texas

Scrub Brush, Texas will be featured in
Princeton McKinney's new novel
Six Degrees of Danger

OK, so maybe it won't really be named Scrub Brush, but I needed a place holder, and thanks to my cousin Janice, who was looking out her window at a scrubby brush of some sort in West Texas while we were on the phone, it may stick.